Friday, September 28, 2012

Hulking Out

I know you have all been just dying to know how my exercise routine is going, so I thought I would give everyone a little update. I will start first by saying that lunges and a post hysterectomy body, do not mix. I try to do a short workout for thirty minutes as I get ready for the day. This at first included lunges, until I realized it was causing some severe pains. I have since replaced my lunges with some nice relaxing yoga poses. (I definitely mean relaxing poses here, like the tree pose and downward facing dog. I didn't want you all to think I was able to do some crazy hand stands or something). My mini-exercises have gone even better than usual since I started my steroid. Yup, I'm on the juice. That was one of the meds my allergist gave me to help with the swelling in my sinus. Not only can I breathe better, but I've turned into a She Hulk. I have yet to rip through one of my shirts, to my husband's dismay, but I feel like I could definitely lift a car or something. I have been able to do more in the past week than I have done in the past six months. My little guy loves my new found energy. I took him to a new park this week that had five slides. (Which, if you are a parent, you know is the most amazing part of a park for a two year old). That kid made me ride those slides at least fifty times. It was like he was shooting for some kind of record. We even had onlookers comment on our sliding stamina. If only I could ride this roid train forever...Sadly, I am only on this med for a week, due to the fact that it can stop your adrenal glands, give you brittle bones, and blah, blah, blah. Seems like doctors just don't want a bunch of regular people running around able to lift cars and slide for hours on end. So, I guess I will have to leave the juicing to the major leaguers. No asterisk by my name. Hopefully my next post will not include some sad steroid withdrawal story...
Until next time, I will be enjoying my last two pill-filled days!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Making Memories

I'm pretty sure my memory left along with my uterus. I have had a hell of a time being able to remember anything. I recently saw a special on 'Nightly News,' or 'Sunday Morning' (see, I can't remember) that a woman's memory, pain tolerance, and decision making are all tied to estrogen levels. Well, I have already lost my memory. I have even been testing myself. My husband and I spend forever making a grocery list, and I try to see how much of it I can remember without looking when we are at the store. Of course, I only remember a couple things from the list. Though I always manage to remember that we need chocolate and chips? Weird. My husband doesn't know I try to test myself. I try to just say, "oh we don't need that right now," when I get back missing things. Well he didn't know I test myself, until yesterday.We were having my parents over for dinner, and I wanted to make some treats for my very pregnant friend. (I included "very" here, because that poor woman still has a couple months to go, but looks like she's going to pop any day. Pregnancy is no joke.) I went to the grocery store in the morning, and then that poor man had to go back later to get everything I forgot. Now that's love. (It's nice to know your partner is going to hang around once you go senile.) It's actually extremely frustrating having memory problems. It's one thing when you are older and start losing your memory, because you are probably not in charge of the well-being of a child every day. I, am. That poor kid of mine has to remind me twenty times that he wanted some water. I just started leaving multiple cups of water around the house for him. Which, incidentally serves a dual purpose. The kid never goes thirsty, and if the movie Signs was right, aliens will know to steer clear of this house. (If you missed this reference, good for you, Signs is an hour and half that I may never get back.) Now, don't go worrying that I forget to feed or change my little guy. I am still a mom, and I think most of that stuff is just reflexive. It's mostly the in-between things that I forget. My doc says my memory should come back a little, and I am just adjusting to the changing hormone levels, but I think I will have to stick to trying to remember my groceries. Plus, it's just such a fun game to play with my husband. Got to keep the marriage alive! Possible Epi-Pen injections and grocery roulette...that's how we keep it 'spiced' up over here. Try to hold back your jealousy.

I will try to remember to write again soon...
(Did you see what I did there, because I was talking about losing my memory? The hilariousness, will it ever cease?) Ok, you may go now. Enjoy your memories today!

Taming The Allergenic Shrew

Fifty pin pricks later and I found out I have some pretty severe allergies. Color me surprised! Fifty pin pricks sounds like a lot, because it is. As uncomfortable  as the term"pin pricks" sounds, it is  actually the itchy hives that develop after the pricks that makes you want to scratch your eyes out. I knew it wasn't going to be good news once the nurse left the room and my back felt like it was on fire and itched like crazy. I was right, it wasn't good news. I am not mildly allergic, no, I am SEVERELY allergic. (I don't like to do anything half-assed, not even my allergies.) My allergist suggested that I begin allergy shots, in addition to the meds he prescribed me. I, also, am now the proud owner of an Epi-Pen. No anaphalaxis for me! (Though my husband seems a little too eager to jam that needle in my leg.) My allergy shots will begin in a couple weeks. I am incredibly excited! (No, really, I am.) Sure, they will be slowly injecting me with things I have a proven allergy to, but hopefully it will "cure" my allergy. Allegedly, these shots are supposed to slowly build up my body's own specific immunities to the things I am allergic to. I will have to go every week to get shots in each arm, and then, wait for a half an hour in the doctor's office to make sure I don't die. It sounds pretty grim, but I'd pretty much do anything at this point. It's quite the pain not being able to breathe or go outside. Here's hoping I will be able to breathe someday soon!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A Yard Sale and Thomas


I know I am starting to feel better when my weekend is jam packed and I didn't feel like I was going to die until Sunday night.
My husband and I had the bright idea to have a yard sale on Saturday. Nothing is more exciting than waking up super early to try and unload your junk on unsuspecting neighbors. The sale started off slow. This could have been because my husband didn't appreciate my proposal to put "free beer and donuts" on all of our signs. It really would have boosted the traffic. We were also competing with a yard sale up the street. I will never understand what people found so appealing about that woman's old mumus. Once I deployed my best marketing tactics the sale really took off. Now I bet you are wondering about my tactics, aren't you? Well, since I don't plan on having another yard sale any time soon, I feel I can divulge my selling secrets. First, put your big ticket items in the front. These will act as eye candy to bring the customers in. For us, these big ticket items included an old patio set, a bistro set of table and chairs, and a small grill. (I have what some would call a furniture addiction, so we had a lot of "extra" sets of tables and chairs.) Second, pretend to be a customer yourself. Draws in the customers through the art of suggestion. "Must be something good there, look at that incredibly beautiful woman walking through that yard." (I like to think of myself as a real beauty in yard shoppers thoughts. Who doesn't, really?) Finally, paint mental pictures for the yard shoppers. Mental pictures? Yes, mental pictures. "Oh this would be perfect in a small kitchen nook. See, it even folds up so you can put it away if you need the space for a party or something. These colors would go with almost any color paint." Mental pictures, or total B.S. so you don't have to lug the stuff back home, either way it gets the job done. We ended up making a grand total of fifty-seven dollars. So, we are rich now. Everything that we didn't sell, we donated to the Disabled Veterans because we are good people. Really, we are.
We actually used our yard sale profit so our little guy could buy a ton of Thomas the Tank Engine swag on Sunday. We took the whole possee to 'A Day Out With Thomas.' Which really meant that we all rode a slow train for a half an hour in intense heat. What fun! While everyone else was sweating like crazy, our mini man thought it was the greatest day of his life. (It really would have been a neat experience if I didn't feel like my skin had been kissed by the flames of hell.) Our toddler's mind was completely blown that Thomas was an actual train, and that there were so many Thomas themed toys about. My best friend's girls, however, not as excited. On the upside, it was most everyone's first train ride. The conductor even came through and punched everyone's tickets. I was more than a little disappointed that he didn't punch out a lesson filled word in it like in the 'Polar Express.' So, we took away no life altering lesson from our ride, except to always lather on the sunscreen if you are going to ride the rails.
Sunday evening reminded me that I am still not 100%. It is hard to remember that even though I am feeling better, this old body of mine won't start to feel back to normal for an entire year. (Plus, those 5-7 years of pesky hot flashes I have been guaranteed.) I still had a great weekend with family and friends. Before, I would have totally missed out, and I would have missed seeing my son's face light up to see one of his cartoon favorites. My life keeps letting me know I made the right decision to have the hysterectomy. Uterus-less (say that five times fast) life is most definitely positive!


Thursday, September 13, 2012

Antihistamine Withdrawal

Waiting for my allergist appointment has become a real B. I have been sworn off of antihistamines for seven days prior to my appointment. Needless to say, I may die. Who had the genius idea to have three dogs in a townhome? I'm going to easily blame my husband for that one. He would disagree, but he drinks so his opinion doesn't really count. Ok, he doesn't drink. His opinion still doesn't matter. Now you are most likely asking yourself, "what does having three dogs in a townhome have to do with her allergies?" If you asked yourself that question, you clearly have a backyard. Good for you. For those of us who lack greenery, we have to walk our dogs thousands of times a day to keep them from using our carpet as a litter box. (I always find that analogy hilarious because dogs don't use litter boxes. I'm going to start the analogy, "use our carpet as a shaded patch of grass in an open space." Rolls off the tongue doesn't it?) So, I am forced to constantly be outside walking concentric circles around my neighborhood. It really is like some form of torture. Walk the dogs, minion! See, definitely sounds like torture. Since I can't hit the antihistamines at all, my eyes are now itching and watering like crazy. Long story short, I've been letting my toddler hold the dogs' leashes and lead us all around. Man that two year old has an excellent sense of direction!
Well at least we are all getting exercise!
In the meantime, I will be coveting my bottle of Claritin like an ice cream cone. (I'm lactose intolerant, so I  spend most of my time coveting dairy.)

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

It's Raining, It's Pouring

Well, it's a rainy day today. Hence the title. I absolutely love when it rains. I have way less hot flashes when it's cool and raining out. Hot flashes have made my life quite uncomfortable lately. I get a little dizzy, my heart beats rapidly, I'm instantly nauseous, and then suddenly my face is on fire. Basically, it is the same feeling most people get after a large shot of brown liquor. Yes, it is like that feeling minus the happy buzz that usually follows. My hot flashes always have the audacity to show up at the worst times too. My favorite is when I get a hotflash and break out in a full on sweat right after I'm completely dressed for the day. Nothing like my make-up melting off and my clothes sticking to me to kick my day off right. The flashes are why I have to exercise at night. At least until the weather starts to cool off.
See, I bet you were all wondering why I didn't just exercise during the day. Well it's because my skin will literally melt off. I've decided the term "lady of the night" probably did not start out referring to a hooker at all. It was most likely some poor misunderstood menopausal woman who was out for a jog in the evening, because she couldn't stand the hotflashes during the day.
Think about it.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Kitchen Cart Catastrophe

Well, my weekend was a little crazy. Unfortunately, I did not walk or run this weekend; however, I feel I got a workout putting together a kitchen cart with my mother. Two menopausal women, a small kicthen, and screwdrivers, just sounds like the beginning of a bad joke.
Yes, my mother and I are going through menopause together. It is somehow not as sweet as the mother daughter duo in 'Father of the Bride II' who become pregnant at the same time. Going through menopause together basically means both of our homes are cold enough to hang meat, and either my dad or my husband is in trouble. Poor bastards.
So, the kitchen cart came in thousands of pieces. I'm not even being hyperbolic here. (Ok, maybe a little). Everything went smoothly until we got to the portion of the assembly that required us to put the German hinges on. Not positive what the difference is between other hinges and the German ones, but the assembly instructions seemed very proud of the differentiation. So, I of course will continue to signify my German hinges. My mom and I were both on the floor smashed against the dishwasher in my tiny kitchen. She was hunched over holding the doors at awkward angles, while I used all of my gaingly-armed might to screw in eight tiny screws for each door. Four doors and fourty-five minutes later, we were finally finished. By the time we finished, I had an hour to get showered and dressed for the company that was coming over. All of the cussing and sweating that went along with this project most definitely means I was exercising. If you're not cussing, you just aren't working out hard enough. That's my own personal motto, but please feel free to pass it on.
I learned some valuable lessons this weekend. One, buy already assembled furniture. Two, hot flashes and manual labor can easily equate to a significant workout. Three, never bust your ass making your house look nice for company. I did all of that work, our power went out, and we had to move our dinner to our friend's house. Had I not cleaned and rushed to put up that God forsaken kitchen cart, I would not have this wretching pain in my back today that makes me look like Osteoporosis has taken its' toll.
Such sage advice today. Enjoy.


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Friday, September 7, 2012

I'm Feeling So Compressed

I missed my walk last night...may the athletic gods smite me! Instead, I took an evening shower and used my new shampoo. While I may not have stepped closer to my physical goal, that shampoo did smell nice. Don't worry this post is not without excitement! Tonight is my first night rocking my compression socks. *Pausing for appropriate shock and awe* It was quite the experience to obtain my socks. I went to Walgreens, and it took me ten minutes to discover that the compression socks ultimately reside next to the adult diapers. Trust me, the irony was not wasted on me. Long story short, I bought a pair, or what I thought was a pair. I got in the car and discovered I spent 20 bucks on one sock that did not even come close to fitting, even though it was the smallest they had. I told my dad about my sad story of finding compression socks, and he tells me, "Oh, well I have a pair you can just have." Of course. Thank God my father is where I got my chicken legs from, and the socks fit. They look like the white knee highs that were popular in the early Britney Spears days. Hard to imagine my father in them...
So here I am on a Friday night wearing my compression socks
living the dream!


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Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Mission Continues

Well met with the doc today. I have to see an allergist to find out what is killing my sinuses. I also have to start wearing compression socks in the evenings to help the blood flow in my legs. That's right, compression socks. I'm a couple fuzzy, hard candies at the bottom of my purse shy of completely transforming into an elderly woman. Despite my dip into the geriatric pool, I plan to go for our walk tonight. Speaking of my walk...I have been using 'Endomondo' to document our efforts. Has anyone used this app. before? It is quite fancy. It keeps track of our pace, time, etc. The app. also, very stalkerish like, keeps track of our route. Apparently, a copy of our stats and route can instantly be uploaded for all of my facebook friends to see. I accidentally hit the facebook upload, and was in a panic trying to quickly delete it from my page. Not only do I not want people to know the exact location of our route, because well you never know, but also, walking a .5 mile at a snail's pace is really not something that is 'status' worthy. Let's save the status updates for important things like 'totally loving these new shoes' and 'just cooking in the kitchen.' My serious lack of athleticism should be relegated for my blog only. Lucky you. Maybe this walk will be an actual mile, or maybe I will tripped by a snake and sprain my ankle. Either way, next post should be thrilling! Stay tuned...

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

1st attempt

My dear readers (aka my mother),
I know you have been in suspense wanting to know if the hubby and I made it out for our walk. The good news is we did! The bad news, our half mile walk consisted of a toddler fall right out of the gate and ended with a pulled leg muscle. Our little guy took a tumble a block away from home, so we almost had to turn around. The little trooper decided he wanted to push on (he gets his tenacity from me, the shaky balance most definitely must come from his father). Our little walk went well from there. I must say, my shoes were cute even at night! We came back, and it went downhill from there. Due to the fact that I now have the body of a seventy year old woman (no bursa in my joints, bad hip, and menopause), I pulled a calf muscle of some sort. I also woke up at three this morning super sick. I wish we had actually ran last night, because then I could blame "runners' trots," but I am pretty sure it's just my faulty stomach as usual.  If only my body would keep up with my mind I would be set.
May tomorrow be a better day.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

My journey to a marathon

I've decided to run a marathon. Yes, this sounds hilarious to me too. I am just itching to try something athletic since my husband bought me a new pair of running shoes! He bought them for me because I thought they were cute, not because I had any athletic aspirations. However, ever since the shoes came into my possession I feel the need to actually use them for running, rather than just to look cute with my yoga pants (which incidentally I bought because they were cute). I have roped my husband into this marathon craziness with me. I roped him in because he could stand to lose a couple lbs, and I also thought it wise to have someone with me in case I pass out two blocks in. Tonight we are supposed to start with walking. Then, we will slowly build up to full on running. Will we make it out the door, or will we just end up watching a movie in the basement? Stay tuned...


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So Little Time

It is so amazing how precious my time has become to me. My time must be dealt out like cards each and every day. It is so easy to follow the schedule of time. It is more difficult, however, to be present in the moments of our day. This is my quest. I want to discover what it is to truly be present in my life. I have missed so much of it due to illness and fear. Endometriosis has taken so much of my time from me. I have been sick for a long time. Missing days. So many doctor's appointments that I finally lost count. After my doctors finally gave me the courage to say enough is enough, I decided to get a hysterectomy. I know this may seem taboo to be so public about, but I believe that women should be allowed to be more open about it. I don't believe it is something to be ashamed of. So here I am, 11 weeks out from surgery. I am slowly starting to feel better and regain my time. Sure I am having hotflashes, and all that menopause has to offer, but I am better. I am only 25, and I am ready to embrace my life. To find purpose in each day. To no longer focus on the unkindness of my body. To be healthy. I am ready to enjoy the time with my son and my husband. This blog will serve the purpose of my reflections of my new life.